Spending The Holidays Alone

As an entrepreneur and single, winter holidays are just another holiday on the calendar, but quieter and more peaceful.

This story will be a bit more personal and not work-related, but I believe it will give you more insight and perspective on the topic. Or at least, I hope. You can also be empathetic, but you definitely should not feel sorry for me or anyone else in a similar situation, and I will explain why.

Okay, where do I start? Hmm, maybe with what Christmas I always thought should feel like? In my imagination the winter holidays feel like an exciting time with friends and family, doing nice things for each other a bit more than regularly, sharing our feelings and gratitude, and participating in activities we don't usually have time for. For example cooking together, watching movie marathons, playing board games, decorating, selecting, wrapping presents and cleaning up the house or apartment. Sharing a nice meal for Christmas and going on long walks in nature after that because we all slightly overdid it.

I remember good and not-so-good holidays. I am coming from a very small village and spent my childhood growing up with my brothers, mom, uncle and cousins all in one house. We all lived in a two-story house, and always something was going on. We often had other close relatives passing by or staying over. It was quite overcrowded sometimes.

As the only girl, except for my other cousin, I didn't have my room, nor my little brother, so privacy was a myth for all of us. It was always so interesting to watch tv shows and movies about teenagers being upset that their mom cleaned their room or they got up from the table and slammed the door. Yeah, right if you did that in an eastern European household, you would have a list of punishments and no going out for months (except to school, of course). So during the holidays, you can't escape having a break for 20-30 minutes and coming back to the table, for example. This means you have to help with the preparations (I do not know why but as I write it, I realise oftentimes it felt like another chore rather than a family activity) and be present all the time, no disappearing. Plus, my mom always tried her best to provide everything she could as a single working mom around those times. But she often lost her patience, and her nerves and holiday anxiety got the best of her. I wonder what the holidays felt like for her during that time.

It's a shame that there are times when family members don't respect our boundaries. - Chase Hill

Anyway, what I am saying is holidays can be stressful and depressing. Can be also transformed into very unpleasant memories if your family dynamic is not grown and trying to be healthy. Them having a closed mindset also can prevent you from having a grown-up conversation with your relatives and often leave you with a feeling of being dismissed or unheard. People are who they are, and they change only when they want to. Don't try to be a saviour and make things better while sacrificing your peace and sanity in hope that this time will be different. What I am saying is you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. Focus your energy on things you can control and find what is enjoyable for you during those times.

It's just how it is. Sometimes a short and sweet visit or a call is enough.

In time maybe the dynamics will change naturally and you would be able to have those dreamy holidays. Or you will meet your partner with whom you will be able to create such an atmosphere and share the holiday spirit. Good things take time. Take your time to be that good thing.

Wish you all lots of health, love and happiness in the following year! Enjoy the holidays.

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